A crisis is an opportunity for growth, as a couple and personally. But it doesn't feel that way. At this point, you may feel stuck in the relationship, wishing you could get out, but afraid to leave- because of the kids, fears of being alone, or financial concerns. Or, you may simply become preoccupied with thinking about which of your needs are not being met in the current relationship, feeling angry or frustrated with your partner for not keeping to his/her end of the bargain (as you see it), or for being the source of the “problem”.
You might feel attacked or blamed, or you may simply be focused on ways in which your partner is to blame. There may also be betrayals or traumas that occurred in the relationship which are undermining your sense of security and safety, perhaps even causing you to put your guard up in the relationship for fear of being hurt again. You may find that you no longer do anything fun with your partner and that spending time together feels like a chore rather than a rewarding experience. Couples come into therapy/life coaching feeling exasperated about their struggles, wishing for things like better communication, more understanding, renewed passion, and healing of old or fresh wounds. With the right kind of help, these very struggles can be the key to increased closeness, connection, intimacy, and sense of partnership.
It’s not uncommon for one partner to want to attend couples therapy, while the other partner resists. This can be a challenge, but sometimes one partner can help the other partner decide to come in or can make changes that turn things around without the other participating in sessions, but will benefit from your leadership. Whatever your struggles, sometimes it just takes an outside person to help you get a fresh perspective, to coach you on new skills, or to help a marriage get through a tough time. Learning to be more vulnerable with your partner and to stop negative cycles of interaction that bring you apart can give you the tools to help each other use moments of being “triggered”, misunderstood, or angry to create increased connection rather than conflict or distance.You have to just take a leap of faith and trust the process, not knowing where it ‘s going to lead, but somehow trusting that with enough hard work, the pain and struggle can turn to something valuable and precious.
Don’t wait any longer…all it takes is that first step of picking up the phone and reaching out for help for changes to begin!